Posts tagged body image

I wrote this over at The Actor’s Diet for my 4th Blog Birthday… thought it was appropriate today so here it is again. 

- Lynn

The pictures you see above were taken at Anna and Zack’s Wedding, over 7 years ago. It was a wonderful occasion for our family, but a traumatic one for me. My eating disorder was at its worst – I was a different size pretty much every week. While wolfing down my fourth or fifth dessert, my father pinched my stomach, as if to say “You’ve gained too much weight – you’ve had enough.” I was reduced to tears and cried in the bathroom for hours. He didn’t understand. Neither did I.

I missed dances, I missed speeches. I missed moments I’ll never get back. When I emerged, visibly distraught, my father took me in his arms and apologized. I think that was the last time we hugged like that, and maybe the only time in my life he’s ever said “I’m sorry.” It was the beginning of my contacting NEDA and getting help.

For new readers who don’t know, my father passed away in August. I didn’t realize until the day he died how much I needed this blog as a therapeutic outlet, and a way to communicate my inner struggle with the ones I love. That’s the main reason I didn’t stop then, and why I won’t stop now.

Thank you everyone who has been there with me on this journey. Every time I post, it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come since that wedding – I’m taught how to analyze each day that passes with compassion and participate in life fully, through the ups and the downs, of which there will continue to be many.

Here’s how first lady Michelle Obama talks to her children about food. (Read the full article here.)

I don’t talk about weight at all. I talk about healthy choices. When I talk about exercise I don’t talk about exercise in terms of you have to look good. Exercise is about competition; it’s about learning a new sport; it’s about being introduced to something interesting; it’s about learning about how to compete and why competition is important. We talk in those terms.

When we talk at the dinner table we talk about eating a balanced meal, not because of how you look but because of what your body needs.

Now that [the girls] are getting older they’re starting to conversations [about weight] in their community, so it’s not coming from us, it’s coming from the outside. But I always shift them back to health and tell them the best way to never have to worry about what you look like is just to get good food in your body.

It’s all about balance. It’s not about never having birthday cake, or going out to lunch and not having a burger. I don’t even want them to think about that. I don’t want them to obsess about food. I just want them to live their lives.

So if they’re doing a sport, if they stay active, if they’re eating vegetables most meals and not overeating, if we treat foods as treats — so the weekend I’ll tell them you can have one breakfast that’s a splurge breakfast, just once a week — because you just don’t need to have pancakes and sweet rolls — at the White House, you walk in and it’s like pancakes and a sweet roll and a biscuit — (laughter.) it’s like, who’s idea was this?

What’s the best advice your Mom has given you about food/body image?

Cofounder Lynn Chen will be speaking on the All Shapes and Sizes Welcome Panel at WONDERCON 2013 in Anaheim this Saturday, March 30th with Leah Cevoli, Adrianne Curry, Amber Krzys, Miracle Laurie, and Helenna Santos Levy.

These outspoken actresses, models, writers, and entrepreneurs will share openly their own journey with body image, eating disorders, and the road to recovery and self-love. The panel will address the sexualization of women in the industry and also discuss healthy lifestyles and acceptance for women of all shapes and sizes, while inspiring others to get out there and live their best life. 

Do you want Thick Dumpling Skin at your event? Contact us!

Some tips from Hubpages’ Maddie Ruud…personally we disagree with #4 since it’s Thick Dumpling Skin’s motto - but everyone is entitled to their own opinion!

1. Why do you do that to yourself? There are many causes that feed into eating disorders, including cultural, emotional, and physical factors. Chances are, your friend or loved one isn’t happy about the thoughts and behaviors holding him or her hostage. This kind of question feels like an accusation, and immediately puts people on the defensive.
2. You don’t look like you have an eating disorder! Eating disorders affect people of all shapes and sizes. In fact, 70 percent of women with eating disorders are at or above a healthy weight, but there is a lot of internal pressure to fit the stereotypical picture of a starving anorexic. It’s easy for the eating-disordered mind to take a comment like this as a criticism, even if you don’t mean it that way.
3. Just eat healthy and be active. Food and weight are not the real problem. Telling someone with an eating disorder that he or she should just diet and exercise is like telling a drug addict to only shoot a little heroin. It minimizes the problem, and may very well be impossible advice to take!
4. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. Even to people without eating disorders, this often sounds like, “You’re ugly. Get over it.” You might think it’s reassuring, but trust me. It’s better to move away from talking about appearance altogether, because it’s not the core issue.
5. You look great right now! You don’t know what your friend’s natural weight would be if he or she were not practicing eating disorder behaviors. What if that natural weight is much higher than his or her current weight? You’ve just reinforced the idea that the eating disorder is a necessary evil for looking good.
6. What was the last thing you ate? Once again, focussing on the food is just a smoke screen, a distraction from talking about the real problems causing the disorder. You should also be careful in assuming what behaviors your friend practices. Remember, not everyone with an eating disorder stops eating. There are many different kinds of eating disorders, and within each diagnosis, many different symptoms a person might have.
7. I know someone else with an eating disorder, and s/he said… While there might be time down the road to share about the other eating disordered people in your life, when you first find out that your friend is struggling, you should focus on his or her experience alone. No two people are the same, so avoid making comparisons, and just listen.
8. Just eat whatever you want. If only it were that simple. If you have no problems eating what you like without judging yourself, congratulations! But this conversation isn’t about you, and clearly, it’s more difficult for your friend. Instead of giving advice about a subject you don’t know much about, try to learn more about your friend’s struggles.
9. So who are you taking to prom? Don’t change the subject. Moving too quickly to another topic will make your loved one feel like you aren’t interested, like you don’t care. I know it’s a hard thing to talk about, but try to honor the bravery it took to share, and stick with the conversation.
10. … Silence may be golden, but there’s a time and a place for it.

Any other things you would add?  Read the full article on Huffington Post.

Today I put on a pair of jeans and they were super tight. This is the first time this has happened in almost 4 years.

I’m not surprised.  

Lately, I’ve been feeling so incredibly sad. Angry. Unhappy. Out of control.  I’ve been eating when I’m not hungry. I’ve been overstuffing myself when I’m feeling anxious. I am bored because I don’t have auditions, so I try to forget about how frustrated I am with my career, and make plans. And everything I plan revolves around food, of course. I don’t want people to worry about me, so I always eat. I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes, how to just be in the situation, so I eat more. I don’t want to think about how bad things are so I keep going until the only thing I feel is that old familiar feeling - I’m too full.

It’s not the sugar content. Or the fat content. Or the calories. Or that I need to add more vitamins and protein and greens. I’ve been eating the same things for years.  Hearing this kind of dietary advice drives me batty.  It made me believe I had control, when I didn’t. It led to many years of eating disorders.

It’s feeling like I can’t say no. It’s feeling like I don’t feel connected to who I am right now. And that I have to hide all of that.  

I didn’t keep the pants on as a reminder, or a punishment, as I would have in the past. I really don’t want to allow something like this to upset me, when this is not the problem.  So I put on a pair of jeans the next size up.  I decided to have a day for me, where I do what I want, and eat what I want.  

It’s not about the food, or what I look like.  

What I’m going through now is so much more important than that.  I’m mourning. I’m grieving. It fucking sucks, but I can’t try to change what this is. Those pants are going far, far away until I’m feeling better.

- Lynn

Today, and every day that follows, remember to listen to yourself and decide what’s right for you.  

Also, check out this piece that Lisa wrote on BlogHer last year about what the Chinese Lunar New Year means to her.

Happy New Year!

Thick Dumpling Skin co-founder Lynn actually went to Wesleyan University, which is often confused with Wellesley College.  Well, this time it’s no mistake - she will be traveling to Massachusetts on Thursday, November 15th, to speak at Harambee House with Dr. Wendy Huang about body image and being a minority in media.  Please RSVP here for dinner and/or discussion!

Special thanks to Wellesley CSA, WASAC, KSA, Generasians, TCO, Japan Club, WAA, and ASU, who are co-sponsoring this program.  

Do you want Thick Dumpling Skin at your event? Contact us!

It’s almost that time of year again - an excuse to dress up in costumes and eat a ton of candy (aka every single day of my life).

Here’s a few Halloween-related links I found online and wanted to share.  Would love to hear stories from you about food/body image/October 31st. Share with us here. 

• Sexy Halloween Costumes and Self Esteem: What Parents Need to Know
• “Costume-Ready” Body Pressure
• Halloween Eating Doesn’t Need to be Scary
• 20 Ways to do Halloween without Candy

- Lynn