thick dumpling skin

Thick Dumpling Skin is a vibrant community for Asian Americans to share and discuss our unhealthy quest, past and present, for the "perfect" body. Our struggles with food & body image are not merely about will power they're social, cultural, and familial. Founded by Lynn Chen and Lisa Lee.

Tim’s Response

Actor Tim Chiou on Saturday’s post: Why I Don’t Date Asian Guys

You may or may not believe this, but I feel your pain. I know what it feels like to be insecure about dating. I know what it’s like to get the cold stares of judgement. I know what it’s like to be afraid of not living up to an ideal for the opposite sex. I am, after all, an Asian guy.

It’s funny that we’ve come to discuss our fears, similar as they are, from across different points of view. It’s also funny that your post is entitled “Why I Don’t Date Asian Guys”, because it’s a phrase that I’m all too familiar with. It’s uttered by many a girl, by many a color, by many a type, for a myriad of reasons. ‘We’re too short, we’re too skinny, we aren’t manly enough…’ If I had a nickel for every time a girl explained why she didn’t date Asian guys, well, I suppose I could afford to mail-order a bride. And though the reasons may be different, the message is the same. Regardless, somehow, us Asian guys have found a way to do alright for ourselves.

It hasn’t always been easy though. Once upon a time, people weren’t always so open minded, and us Asian guys weren’t so in demand. In all modesty, I am an attractive guy. I’m tall, I’m fit, and I have an appearance that’s easy enough on the eyes that I make my living from it*. But I remember all too well the times I would walk into a bar or a club and feel the stares from women: eyes that built walls, the chill of a cold shoulder. “Why is this guy talking to me? He’s Asian”. They didn’t need to say it. I felt it. Constantly, while I was growing up. That feeling of guardedness. Of separation. It’s a feeling that I’m betting is very familiar to you. That feeling you get from the 'burning of eyes.’ The reasons may be different, but the message is the same.

Still, I’ve never let it hold me back. I’ve loved and lusted after women of all colors, backgrounds, shapes and sizes. I’ve had plenty of rejection, but I’ve also had plenty of success. And I’ve found that, with no sense of irony, you can’t actually tell how open a person’s mind is just by looking at them. And the truth is, there are always going to be people who won’t find me attractive, simply because of my race, or simply because I don’t look the way their ideal guy does. It’s frustrating, and discouraging, and painful. Believe me, I know. But from one “non-ideal” to another, the world has far less love in it when we begin to limit our options for who we love, and who we allow to love us. So don’t be afraid to date those Asian guys. Because, even if you have found someone to love you, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want the opportunity to love you too.

*Tim’s GNC billboard can currently be seen at Hollywood & Highland, hanging two stories tall.

Tim | Los Angeles, CA | USA

Tim is an actor living in Los Angeles, trying to navigate his way through Hollywood, freeways, and complicated romances.

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Keith’s Response

Another response to “Why I Don’t Date Asian Guys” -

There weren’t a lot of Asian people where I grew up. See, I’m originally from a small town in Virginia (like the kind John Cougar Mellencamp sings about, just in the south instead of the midwest) and the only other Asians in school were my cousins. Needless to say, I didn’t date many Asian girls in high school. Heck, I didn’t date much at all really, but that’s another (sob) story. I did, however, have plenty of non-Asian friends who proceeded to inform me about the natural beauty that Asian girls possessed–They’re so petite! They never grow old! They never get fat! Their skin is so smooth and shiny! Their fantasies, though, never seemed to match reality. The more I listened to these stereotypes, the more I realized that the women I knew were much more complex than the easy labels given to them by the people who are responsible for labeling everyone else. Women in my family were all shapes and sizes (though I dare anyone to call my mother or any of my aunties diminutive). Some struggled with weight, some didn’t. And to be honest, that’s what I see when I look at our community. There isn’t just one thing that defines us. And that, ultimately, is the beauty of the Asian American community.

Keith | Baltimore, MD | USA

Keith Chow is one of the editors of the groundbreaking graphic novel anthology Secret Identitiesand Outreach Director for SIUniverse Media. Visit the official Secret Identities blog or follow @SIUniverse on twitter to keep up with Keith and the rest of the SI team. You can also follow Keith on twitter: @the_real_chow.

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A Response to Eating for Show

Here’s a response that we received to Lynn's Eating for Show post:

I went to China for a business trip. I ate bigger breakfast, because we would work through lunch. Sometimes the food brought in were smaller in portions, too little for most of us. One of our Chinese partners met us at the hotel and wanted to take us to lunch! We couldn’t say no, they were hungry after driving from their offices. So I ate whatever was put in front of me. It was their way of saying thanks for your business. I couldn’t say no.

Do you ever find yourself ordering foods you don’t really want, noshing when you’re not hungry, or eating to please others? Let us know.

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Overeating For Others

Another response to Lynn’s “Eating For Show” Post:

Back when I had anorexic tendencies, my friends would notice whenever I’d skip meals and would always have to have serious talks with me, which I never enjoyed. Now, even though I have not consciously skipped a meal in four years, I still have a paranoia that people will get upset and worried about me if I’m not eating enough to the point where I would purposely eat bigger portions of extra-unhealthy meals to show how “normal” I am. It’s probably because I feel subconsciously guilty for still having an eating-disorder-mentality despite the fact that I don’t ACT on it, so I’m extra paranoid that people will realize my unhealthy thoughts.

Of course, that’s incredibly unhealthy in so many ways, especially since the act of purposely overeating unhealthy foods as a show just makes me feel even more self-conscious about my weight, thus perpetuating my distorted mentality about my body.

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Not Pregnant, Want Lipo

We did a post last week about Ethnicity and Plastic Surgery and asked if any of you have had cosmetic surgery or have contemplated it. Here’s one response that we received from Leilani in The Netherlands:

I am a short and stocky queer filipina who wants to get liposuction. Ever since I was a little girl, my mother would follow me around pinching my stomach, asking constantly if I was pregnant and encouraging me to do crunches. Two years on my high school varsity gymnastics team (among other different attempts through my lifetime) couldn’t decrease my waistline. I seek liposuction not because I think of myself as fat. But because I don’t have the time and energy to construct my entire wardrobe. Because I have grown tired of the prodding questions from strangers and family alike about my supposed pregnancy.

Leilani,

Thanks for being so honest. I too have always had problem areas with my stomach area - back in college we’d joke around about my “pregnancy.” It wasn’t too funny as I became of child-bearing age and was constantly being congratulated by both strangers and friends. I still have a bit of a pooch, but I’ve learned to accept it (dare I say love it?!?) and not allow its presence (or other’s comments) determine how good/bad I choose to feel about myself. Problems still exist, with or without a round tummy, and instead of focusing on plastic surgery, maybe refocus on how to talk to others (and yourself) instead?

- Lynn

body image family filipino liposuction lynn chen submission

Reader Thoughts on Jennifer Livingston

After we posted what WKBT anchor Jennifer Livingston had to say about the mail she had received, we received Richard’s thoughts on the matter:

Hello Lisa and Lynn,

I wanted to bring up a point regarding Jennifer Livingston and her response to the hateful email she received. Although I do applaude her for standing up to the bullying and bringing much needed attention to the need for more compassion and empathy, her message could have been better suited if she focused on self empowerment and stronger self body images.

I did not particularly like how she affirmed the bully’s message of her not fulfilling a standardized idea of beauty. The take away that I saw was more of a “Please stop making me a victim” when it could very well have been “I am happy in my skin and am more than what you see.” Her stating that she knows all too well how her body looks and she doesn’t need his hurtful words reminding her makes me cringe as I see nothing wrong with her image. As much as I would love to see bullying come to an end, I prefer messages of self empowerment and a shift away from American's tendencies to victimize themselves.

Granted, there is always more to the story than what is presented in a five minute clip on the internet. I do appreciate all strength it takes to stand up against injustices an enabling dialogue whenever and wherever possible. Hopefully this is a stepping stone to more development and conversation in this image conscious field of media and in society.

- Richard

Richard provided a very interesting perspective. As much as we agree that yes, Jennifer could’ve took a stance and said, “I love my body and I love what I look like,” our society has made it nearly impossible for her, and others, to unlearn the hatred that we have for our bodies for not looking “perfect." However, because Jennifer spoke from a place of honesty, her words came across just as powerful even though she made herself very vulnerable. What did you think of her response?

Do you agree with Richard?

Have thoughts to share with us? Contact us.

jennifer livingston reader thoughts

Thank You, Jennifer Aniston

Read the full article by Jennifer Aniston on Huffington Post.

fat body image jennifer aniston

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angryasiangirlsunited

DEAR ASIANS:

poker-cards:

I want to start a blog, managed by multiple other Asians, that shares and acts as a resource about Asian antiblackness, as well as calls out other Asians for their antiblackness.

an updated and active blog for Asians to combat our antiblackness is, I think, critically important in light of the ongoing BLM movement, recent rash of police shootings, and as we Asians figure out where we belong in the U.S. American/global racial landscape.

I’m aware that @stfuantiblackasians already exists, but it hasn’t been updated in a while (though I can’t be sure; I’m on mobile).

I’m also aware that for combatting Asian antiblackness to be effective and meaningful, this blog should also be modded by Black folks. but because of the recent traumatic violence that has torn through the Black community, I am not asking for help from Black folks at this time (unless, of course, any Black folks reading this are interested in helping out of their own volition).

So: if any Asians are interested in helping out, please reblog saying so, and/or shoot me an ask or chat!!

ps: this is OK for white people and non-Asian POC to reblog for the purpose of signal boosting

angryasiangirlsunited Source: poker-cards